Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
