Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize