I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
