my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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