Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize