i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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