I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I know her cup size but not her name....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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