His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need a beard to bite.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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