hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
