If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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