just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
