I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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