Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
