I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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