puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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