yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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