i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
