I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
