I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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