Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
