It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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