Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
