gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How naked do you want me to be?
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