You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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