cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
