god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
