we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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