Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
