How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
