dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
