Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
