Kiss
Puke
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
