He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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