I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
