Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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