just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
