whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
