I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
