He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
