I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
