I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
