Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When are your genitals available?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
