I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Slut skills are useful in every country.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize