babies were throwing up all over the place
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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