There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
