Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
