Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
