She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize