her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize