I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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