Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
