Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
