He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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