when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
50% drunk capacity currently
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
