If that was your dad, he is hot
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
