I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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