Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
