So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
