this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
