We're facebook friends in real life
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
