I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
