get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
