Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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