I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
