He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
