you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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