Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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