He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
