I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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