We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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