that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize