Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
