Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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