How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
