he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
