I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
