Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
birth control should be required to get into college
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize