I love black thongs
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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