I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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