Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You pole danced in your parka.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
