After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
