so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
