Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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