if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
