Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
