Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We were destined to go to rehab together
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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