3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize