you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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