I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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