I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
