seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
