I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize