I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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