No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
