I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
