yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
