You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
