I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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