You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We need to get me chipped asap
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
