you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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