what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
