the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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