saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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