so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I will pee on everything he values.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
