i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
