I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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