so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
