She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
