So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
