So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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