guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
well you can't waste a boner
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
