wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
