WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't turn off my feet"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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