you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
