I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
