Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
