after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
