I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
